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Being a warship, the Mary Rose carried a lot of objects that were, shall we say, unpleasant.

As well as the various ship-to-ship weapons, there were pikes, daggers and swords, longbows and handguns for long distance attacks, and rather nasty antipersonnel weapons such as the hailshot piece, a short barrelled gun that was used to blast iron dice at enemy boarders at close range.

It wasn't just the weapons of war that were nasty; some of the devices used to make people better were just as gruesome. Medicine wasn't as brutal as it had been; the surgeons on ships were trained professionals who had studied and served apprenticeships. Some of the techniques they used aren't much different from those performed on the battlefield today, but you still wouldn't want to become seriously ill in Tudor England.

Which leads us nicely into our first object...

The Mallet

In the museum, whenever you visit the surgeon's handling table, you are guaranteed see someone point at the mallet and say knowingly to their partner "That's the anaesthetic!" However, even Tudor surgeons knew that a blow to the head is a terribly dangerous way to render someone unconscious; it damages the brain, and risks fracturing the skull. If you're VERY lucky, and you recover within a couple of minutes, you'll wake with a massive headache and the extra pain of an operation in progress (plus probably a few other complications, which we'll get to later). Any longer, and you might not wake up at all.

Tudor amputations took place with the patient conscious. The original injury would either have put them into shock, numbing the senses, or make whatever the surgeon was doing seem relatively painless (and if they could afford it, they'd be given a soporific sponge, soaked in opiates that would reduce the pain). Either way, there would be plenty of people to hold them down while the surgeon got on with the job.

So, what was the mallet doing in the surgeon's cabin, if not for bonking people on the head? With surgery, the name of the game was speed. The faster the operation was done, the quicker they could be patched up and the more likely they were to recover. With amputations, a flesh knife, razor sharp and curved, will slice through the flesh quickly, while a saw takes care of the bone. This is fine for an arm or leg, but for a finger or toe, it's far quicker to use a mallet and chisel, which would take off the damaged digit, quickly and (relatively) painlessly.

Chafing dish

Closing wounds is very important. Firstly, it stops the patient bleeding to death but it also prevents the wound from becoming infected; but this only works if you know what causes infection in the first place. Tudor medicine had yet to adopt germ theory, mainly because nobody knew what germs were. However, they understood the importance of cleanliness; surgeons tools were required to be kept clean (although not to today's standards), while open wounds would be washed out with wine or vinegar.

One of the more hygienic ways of closing a wound was to suture it; stitching the flesh together over the wound. Sadly for English sailors, while the French were doing this, the English surgeons were still employing the technique of cauterisation; using 'irons' heated in a chafing dish to essentially 'cook' the wound closed. Anyone who's burnt themselves will know that burns can go septic pretty quickly and even more so in a cramped environment like the Mary Rose.

Trepan

Let's imagine that some idiot has hit you on the head with a mallet, because he ignored what I wrote further up the page. You've not been killed, your skull appears to be intact and, despite feeling fine for a while, you're now dizzy and have a massive headache. While there are several possible causes for this, in this hypothetical case you've developed an epidural haematoma where blood is filling your skull putting pressure on the brain.

If this happened on the Mary Rose, the surgeon would attempt to relieve the pressure by slicing through the scalp, exposing the skull, and using a trepanning drill to cut though the bone until it had cut a circular hole in the bone allowing the excess fluid to be drained off. To close up the wound, a silver coin would be placed over the hole (silver is an excellent antiseptic!), and the scalp would be stitched up and covered. The patient would then be left to recover.

Urethral syringe

Sailors, it's unfortunate to say, had a bit of a bad reputation when it came to shore leave. When they went ashore after periods at sea, some sought female company, often for a small fee and many returned to the ship with more than they bargained for.

Treatment for venereal diseases was not pleasant. Urethral syringes would be filled with liquids such as mercury then inserted up the urethra so these caustic fluids would burn off any sores. This would be uncomfortable, painful, and require repetitive treatments. This was also one of the few treatments not administered free of charge by the surgeon; as it wasn't considered a work-related injury!

I feel obliged to point out that, although traces of mercury were found in the chest of the ship's surgeon, the bones of the crew of the Mary Rose show no traces of syphilis. Clearly our particular sailors were very well behaved!

Enema Pipe

Imagine it's 1980, and a chest has been recovered from a cabin on the Mary Rose. Inside this chest, as well as the usual pots of ointments and surgical tools, is what appears to be a whistle, with a flanged end that had a fragment of leather on it. You perform various tests on it. You blow, trying to get it to play a note, but it can only produce a note if you put it very carefully on the tip on your lips.

Frustrated, you examine the literature and discover that the leather was the remains of a fluid bladder, and what you've had in your mouth was an enema pipe, which had probably been used to administer medicines rectally to several people over the course of its active life. A true story, and perhaps something one of our staff members would rather forget!

Come Sunday morning, the nation will be shaken awake by the collective groans of thousands of music lovers as they drag themselves prematurely from their beds hoping to get tickets to Glastonbury Music Festival.

Each year the masses will curse Mr Eavis for choosing 9am for blast off. After all, we just want to give him our money, but everyone knows this isn't a time for moaning or for weakness. Every single member of every single group of friends dubbing themselves "Team Glasto" knows that they have a vital role to play in achieving victory. There are no exceptions, no excuses, no sympathy for a slightly sore head or a pathetic bout of man flu. There will be no kindly member of your group smiling warmly, patting you on the head and telling you to return to bed. Instead they will laugh in your face, tell you to shut up and point sternly to your allocated place on the sofa in a room you're sure was once your lounge that has now transformed into an electronics-filled ticket buying Control Centre.

All who have tried before know exactly what lies ahead in that one, or at very best two, hours of hell. We know all too well that phone lines everywhere will shrivel up and die. Networks will become blocked. Internet connections once demonstrating warp speed will now age before our madly-staring eyes and lose all ability to load anything even resembling a landing page. Tiny egg timers and colourful circles will mock us from our laptops as we chew our nails and pray to any God that will listen that we manage to secure a ticket before that fateful Tweet lands informing an army of sleep-deprived rock fans that tickets to the Greatest Party on Earth are sold out.

I know, this sounds like hell. It's a frantic, horrible, competitive way to start your Sunday. Chances of success are low and you know that even if you do manage to acquire a ticket, it could rain. But, despite all of these reasons, the pain, the stress, the never-ending emails about registration numbers and who's responsible for getting who's ticket, I can safely say that it is 100% worth it. Every. Single. Time.

And here's why...

It's worth it for the run-up. For the speculation and discussion over the line-up. For the day that it is finally announced. For the excitement each time you get bored and find yourself scanning the website only to discover an act you hadn't noticed before or a brand new announcement. For the night before when you cheerfully fight other festival-goers in your local supermarket for those last few precious crates of Strongbow. For the half an hour spent decanting cheap whiskey into Value lemonade because you know full well that come Sunday your taste buds will thank you for the change.

It's worth it for the day that you arrive. For the only early wake-up call of the year that you genuinely enjoy. For the journey there. For the first time you catch a glimpse of the site through the houses as you speed through Pilton dancing around in your seat with your first can of still-cold cider in your hand. For the gleeful moment that you clear security, your wristband is clamped into place and you know that you only have to struggle on that little bit longer laden down with stupid amounts of kit until you can totally relax. For that glorious moment when your tent is up, all your friends are there, your rucksack is loaded down with beers and the time has come to take that first walk in to where the magic happens.

It's worth it for every single minute that you are there. From the first glimpses of the top of the Pyramid Stage and the metallic claws of Arcadia, for the flags, for the inevitable over-excitement experienced at the Brothers Bar on Wednesday when the sun always seems to be shining. For your first visit to Shangri-La...no wait...for every visit to Shangri-La. For being woken up on the Friday by sound checks that remind you things are only just getting started. For the chance meetings with people from your past. For all the times you lose your mates only to find them again in the nick of time. For the rain, for the red wine out of goon bags, for the hungover mornings spent lying on airbeds that you've dragged from your tent planning the day ahead. For that one meal a day that you know you must choose wisely so that it gives you the new lease of life you need so badly. For that perfect moment when you hear the song you have been waiting for the whole time. For the outfits. For the surprise acts. For being somewhere you feel like you can be exactly who you want to be whilst being around thousands of other people doing the same. For every night being the best night of your life.

So yeah, the hassle is worth it. Unless all of the above sounds rubbish, in which case, really don't bother...the rest of us could do without the competition.

This post originally appeared on No Fixed Plans Traveller.

Annie Lennox has branded Beyoncé as 'feminist lite'. Speaking to PrideSource, she wasn't disparaging of Beyoncé as an artist but described her feminist stance, as 'tokenistic' and I have to say, I completely agree. Feminism is an important movement but modern feminism feels completely confused.

I don't brand myself a feminist, I don't like 'isms', I'm wary of them. don't like divisions; I don't divide people by gender, race, religion or sexuality. My stance is that I try and be fair to my fellow humans.

I respect the essence of feminism but some of the sub divisions and main advocators within the movement are contradictory. Artists like Beyoncé and Miley Cyrus use their sexuality to sell records yet herald themselves as modern day feminists, simply because they say that is their choice. Then there's respected actresses like Amy Poehler or Ellen Page who embrace the movement as one that is about empowering women in a patriarchal world. And finally, there's Caitlin Moran, journalist turned 'personality' and divider of opinion on Twitter who courts controversy over her polarising tweets and blasé use of language, seen as an insult to many of her own gender and other minority groups.

It's feminists like Caitlin Moran, Miley and Beyoncé who, in my opinion, are confusing the movement entirely. I'm not denying that, in their own way, they are fighting for women's rights and they are entitled to an opinion, everyone is. However, they're part of a growing movement of 'celebrity feminists' that are part of 'brand feminism' that's easy to digest and sellable.

As Annie Lennox said, it's 'L-I-T-E' and their words and actions are completely juxtaposed. Record labels, magazine editors, TV execs and book publishers know what sells and, right now, nothing sells better than someone saying or doing something 'controversial' and branding it as feminism.

I mentioned before, I don't count myself as a feminist. I suppose many feminists would be annoyed by this stance but they shouldn't. My reasons are simple - I've never received any criticism in my life because of my gender. The only time I've felt marginalized was as a youngster for being mixed race. Still, this hasn't made me over political about race because I realise, I'm still very lucky. I've put my life into context. I grew up, I got over it, I adopted a different attitude - don't stay down, get on top, use what you've got and live life. So, as a woman, to brand myself a feminist now would feel false.

White, middle class feminists have it good. They do, I can't lie, they don't experience the strife that other women do around the world, the women who are forced into marriages, who are beaten, raped and have only a modicum of rights we do in the western world. The people who fight for freedom, not just for these women but also for all women and all people are the real 'feminists'.

Feminism is not about being a brand, baring your bum for all to see, being 'controversial' on Twitter or merely being 'a strong woman'. A strong person is someone who is fair, who knows what they want, who rises above the nonsense, who lives their life in context and has many shades to their character - soft, hard, sensitive, steely - a strong person can access all of these traits.

I'm not a fan of any movement that polarize opinion or excludes any section of society but unfortunately this is what modern feminism is doing - eroding its own carefully placed foundations that have taken hundreds of years to build.

However, feminism is clearly a personal issue for those who brand themselves so. Yes, modern feminism is a deeply confused movement now but perhaps we should stop analyzing the little things and concentrate on being decent human beings and come together as one. A whimsical sentiment I know, but one can hope.

The first time I listened to Led Zeppelin I was sat in a car park in my mother's car. I remember the moment like it was yesterday. It wasn't the epiphany I'd told it would be. It was, well, disappointing.

In my early teenage years I'd first heard rumours about a British group who were 'better than the Beatles' and 'world's greatest rock band.' By the age of 15 the desire to live the rock 'n' roll dream had formed in my mind and I'd build the courage (and enough cash) to visit my local Our Price to blow my hard-earned savings, from kitchen portering, on my first Led Zeppelin cassette.

The long-haired Our Price (for those who haven't heard of this shop it's the old fashioned version of iTunes, but with real people) assistant laughed when I asked for a recommendation of which Led Zep album I should go for. He thrust a pale green coloured cassette tape featuring a hunched over old man holding a stack of sticks on his back into my hand and assured me it would do the trick. I thought the assistant was such a smart arse then, but I miss that kind of learned musical advice now.

As I walked back to the car park where I agreed to meet my mum I unwrapped the tape from it's clear plastic cover and eyed the four symbols which represented each band member in wonder.

Shortly after I shoved the tape in the cassette player, almost salivating at the prospect of hearing Black Dog for the first time. I regret to say that I still can't quite describe the feeling of epic anti-climax on hearing it. Black Dog, with its weird timing, construction and really, really difficult to keep up with drums. I didn't get it. Thankfully, that soon changed. I soon got Led Zeppelin.

It seems remarkable that almost 25 years later I found myself sitting in the old Olympic Studios where the band recorded a load of their classic records. In front of me was a grey-haired Jimmy Page, the composer who so let me down on the first hearing, but whose body of work has inspired me through my entire adult life.

Digitally remastered versions of the 1971 Led Zep IV and 1973 Houses of the Holy go on the market later this month and I was one of the lucky few journalists to get a listen alongside Mr Page.

The years following that first listen unfortunately resulted a decline in living standards for my poor little sister. I developed a habit for drumming on everything. For that I blame John Bonham, the band's iconic drummer. The bad news for my sister is that these remastered versions act as an informal tribute to Bonzo. The quality of the drums is massive. As I tweeted during the listening:

Drums drums drums drums drums drums drums drums #LedZep #LedZeppelin 4 bloody hell it's big
— Stephen Hull (@stephenbhull) September 30, 2014

Another outstanding feature of these remastered classics is the heart thumping, ground shaking quality of the base provided by John Paul Jones. There's a certain reassuring warmth in knowing quality is timeless.

Unfortunately Page admitted under very polite questioning after the listening that getting the group together for another show was not on the cards, but he did hint at forming a new group - yet unnamed - of unknowns to perform classics from his career. In lieu of a reformed band these remastered albums keep Zeppelin relevant, but seeing them live, just once more, would be a sight for sore eyes.

It doesn't really matter how exciting and novel the premise of a TV show is - if the viewers don't like the characters, they aren't going to stick around to watch them. Transparent is ostensibly a sitcom about Mort, a father of 3 who is transitioning into being a woman, Maura. (Mort/Maura is played to perfection by Jeffrey Tambor, of Arrested Development fame). Whether you are someone who is thrilled that an entire TV series is being made about a transgender journey, or someone who thinks that you'd like to watch nothing less doesn't really matter.

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Because becoming Maura is merely the premise of the show. What makes it a stand-out, approachable, inclusive piece of TV is that it is populated by characters we want to see more of. Characters that are selfish, and foolish, and likeable and distasteful and horribly, perpetually watchable.

The premise of the show would suggest that Mort, and his increasingly public move into being Maura, would be the centre of the series. But the pilot turns these expectations on their head: we are introduced first to Maura's three children. We are thrust immediately into Josh's world - a successful record executive who appears to only represent beautiful slips of young women, who he also sleeps with.

A more heavy-handed show would encourage Josh to leave this superficial, appearance-obsessed life. Transparent presents it to us as it is: this is Josh's life, and he is busy living it. It falls to his sister, Ali, to point out that he really ought to fill his fridge with something his visitors might like to eat, such as 'juice packs and string cheese.' Josh ignores Ali, both because she is his sister, but also because Ali herself is a recognizable mess: a twenty-something drifter type, who tells her friends she wants to create the kind of book Urban Outfitter lines its checkouts with, and who relies on parental handouts to make rent. The third of Maura's children is Sarah, a married stay-at-home mother of two, whose husband is treated with contempt by both her and her younger siblings.

The children don't know about Maura yet, but it doesn't matter. This is a show about family: about the messy, chaotic, impossible ties that bind us. We watch Transparent because of Ali, who despite 'scoring in the 99th percentile in her SATS' still hasn't quite found her way. We watch Sarah as she re-connects with her college lesbian lover at her children's school, willfully jeopardizing a life she has already out-grown.

Mort invites them all over for dinner, hoping to find the courage to tell his children about Maura. Ali, Josh and Sarah panic and speculate wildly about why he's invited them, assuming that it must be cancer. As the characters speak over one another, challenging and interrupting other people's lines, we come to see that Transparent's glory lies not in its original and brave telling of Maura's journey, but in its depiction of all of the journeys.

Transparent is a series about journeys, and family, who come with us on our journeys, no matter how much we'd rather they didn't. It is an honest, unflinching look at the lies we tell ourselves and other people, and the identities we try to maintain. In one, excellent moment, Sarah briefly mentions that she has bumped into her former girlfriend. Even as she is telling Ali, she tries to dismiss it. 'Everyone was gay in college. It's no big deal.' 'You were talking about adopting a kid,' Ali reminds her. In a family, re-invention can be fraught with danger.

Transparent is already available, in its first season entirety, on Amazon Prime. The pilot offers us much to get behind in terms of the series' plot development, its exciting and original premise, and plenty of areas for potential conflict. But its real gift is its characters. Characters who, one senses, would find it easier to deal with their father having (much less embarrassing) cancer than becoming transgender, who pick up personal trainers in the park in order to seduce them, who search for a sense of purpose in sex, and who want to cling to a past that they felt they ought to have outgrown: these are characters worth watching. And Transparent is filled with them.

It's rare to find an artist as dedicated, as flexible, as polite, as Matt Sanderson. A sculptor quite content for the next generation to rip up his artwork and start again; but such is the humble mindset of a creator whose passion is not to lavish with grandiose appeal, drawing attention like Dali - no. Sanderson seeks to tell a story, to change a mindset, with an eco-maniac twist: divining inspiration materials from nature, reused metals from anywhere, and just like Ralph Steadman with his wild sketches, guarantees to add a personality, a soul which organically charges us to rethink what artwork actually does for today's society.

'Culture is the glue to any new community.' Sanderson believes, 'if you don't have culture, you don't have identity. The truly valuable part in any development is it's identity and that's central to all other motives to live in a particular area. Without culture there is no community bond, thriving of life, or commerce. They are all intrinsically linked.'

Before you meet a sculptor, especially one of this caliber, you expect some amount of confused social graces. Or perhaps conversation sprinkled with lashings of introverted awkwardness - surely he's secluded in a 'man cave' somewhere in the Outer Hebrides, playing nothing but Bach? But this fine metal-smithing designer is not what you think. Don't be fooled by the existential industry he works in. Sanderson is different. In his studio hangs hundreds of miniatures, tokens from all his projects, some famous, some more personal. As I follow him around, it's as if he's introducing me to members of his own family; whilst his own six year old is teaching me all about the golden section.

Born, bred and finely tuned in Cambridge amongst iconic art teachers who believed in their students, including Sanderson, he has become a popular and sought after commissioned sculptor, but of course he doesn't care about this. He cares about what's going on within the mind of his client. Within the intention of the brief with a question of how, oh how, could the idea add light to the land?

'Art should be unnecessary,' according to Sanderson, 'I feel that we have all to a greater or lesser extent lost touch with the cycle, seasonality, wildness, rarity of things. I enjoy leading people's eyes towards beautiful natural things. I see the mathematical sequence, the biology behind it, I enjoy bringing that to a new audience having striped it back, reinvented it. My efforts are a smaller human spin on something that is natural. It allows one to be extremely free - opportunistic.'

Sanderson now reaching 40, reflects back on his career in stages, from static observations to depictions of movement and latterly to kinetic machines. From the first piece of art he ever sold at eighteen, to becoming a lead artist for Cambridge's Corpus Clock: a piece that is functional, useful and shall be in the public domain for the next 250 years.

'I am not in the habit of making individual works for individuals. For me it's the team work and collaborations and challenges I met with the communities I work with that really excite me. I delight in creating original works with people, avoiding selfish and even pointless acts of art. It can have function, it can provoke the mind, it should be capricious enough to be sighted as something original and defines what it means to be human, but it must be good or useful for a community.'

The beautiful thing about Matt Sanderson and his work, is that he genuinely cares, always seeking to express an emotion that many of his clients can't alone capsulate into magnificent vision. He is exceptional with knowledge for both design and the backbones of mechanical invention, thoughtful, tireless in enthusiasm and still with an aptitude to produce something original, still within a love for nature, within a love for expanding the mind, within a knowledge that as an artist, you can not have a commissioned creation without trust between the artist and the client.

And because the trustworthiness of Sanderson is evident in all projects, because he trusts himself, his desire to find all manner of walks of creation is palpable:

'I'm looking for inspiring people to work with - engineers, architects, developers, community liaison officers, charities. Those people who have an idea or a question that want to challenge me; those are the people I want to work with so that we can invert the question, rip it up together and invent expectations - and I will enjoy doing it. '

Definition of 'Rip it up' from Matthew; to invert the question; to rebuild expectations from previously formed [to test techniques and turn them on their heads.]

Sanderson's work is currently exhibiting in Islington at PTE Architects at DIESPEKER WHARF.
You can follow Matt and his work on @MLSSculpture

Paris wakes up the art world's Autumn season every two years. 2014 is one of those years. On the 9th of September there is a huge and fancy dinner for the VIPs, yours truly not invited once again. And on the 10th at 6.30 the normal preview crowd gather to enjoy the much anticipated glamour of this capital city art show.

But Paris is not just about the Biennale - the whole city of art and design sparkles in the early autumn sun and shows proliferate. My friend Sylvain, who has an exquisite gallery on the Quai Voltaire, is putting his best foot forward with a gathering of Meissen porcelain. Over on the Right Bank in the Faubourg St Honore, Philippe Perrin is showing photography and polished steel furniture, whilst next door Marella Rossi, the charming daughter of the legendary Jean Marie Rossi, has a mixed show with tribal art and has recreated a room from a film-making collector's home. Down the road the ever energetic Benjamin Steinitz has a one-man show of the Art Nouveau cabinet maker Le Lievre. Back over the river and Nicolas and Alexis Kugel have a spectacular show of silver-gilt pieces from Strasbourg dating from the 16th to the 18th centuries. The city buzzes with excitement as everyone gossips about who is doing what and where. We rush from one much vaunted event to another, passing by Sotheby's and Christie's on the way. There is a palpable sense of the market rousing itself from its slothful summer recess and everyone is now raring to go and get down to the serious work of buying and selling.

Feeling a little naughty I decided to arrive at the preview at 6.45 rather than be there on the dot of the opening time. I presumed that this would allow the crowd to enter and I could therefore stroll in without the burden of queuing. What a mistake. The line was horrendous. It snaked right round from the front of the Grand Palais past the corner and almost around to the back. It is not often you see such a dressed-up crowd being kept waiting, kicking their high heels. Nearly an hour later the aficionados were finally let in. You cannot compare any venue to the Grand Palais which is simply majestic - a festival of glass and iron, it swoops and swirls with captivating verve. Any show has a challenge matching up to these surroundings. The look of the Biennale changes every iteration and some years it is truly spectacular. In 2012 the central area was dominated by a massive Montgolfier-style balloon. This year the feeling was more muted. The theme was garden pavilions, each stand decorated with a white trellis against a green ground. The carpet was green too with patriotic fleur-de-lys amid subsidiary scrolls. However, the Ruinart champagne flowed like the Seine and the snacks were copious, innovative and delicious. Pretty and elegant waiters popped up hither and thither with micro work stations from which they dispensed morsels of foie gras or finely chopped aubergine on a leaf of crispy parmesan-infused pastry. The preview crowd began their progress in a demure fashion but sadly as the evening progressed so the event descended into the familiar scrabble for delights from the caterers.

As as been the pattern over the last few fairs, jewels dominate with all the big names parading their wares. This year the laurels for the most talked-about show went to the Hong Kong maverick Wallace Chan who brought pieces of extreme fantasy and eye-watering extravagance. It will be a long time before I forget the the white jade model of a fisherman draped in rags of 24 carot gold and bearing his catch of ruby and diamond encrusted fish. Garnishing this drama are a few traditional dealers in furniture, paintings, sculpture and and antiquities but they seem peripheral, an adjunct - not the main attraction. I did see many masterpieces; Chenel put on a superb and dramatic display of white marble from ancient Greece and Rome. Gismondi brought some breathtaking examples of Pietra Dura, quite the best I have seen in Years. The dealers crowded round gasping in awe. It was also always a treat to see the dealers Kraemer who have some of the finest French furniture on the market and who very rarely show at fairs apart from this one.

Weary with opulence we headed off to the Brasserie Lipp where the show ceded prominence to a simple meal in this legendary place. Dark red wine from near Beaune, called St Joseph, accompanied by foie gras, delicate sweet small oysters followed by a robust and hearty steak tartare. Good discussion ranging over the joys of Paris and we were sent off into the night for rest.

A few days pass and I find myself at the other great trade awakening. The south of France plays host four times a year to the confluence of brocante fairs at Beziers, Avignon and Montpellier. Each one has probably over a 1000 dealers stalling out their wares and Beziers kicks off with two days of hard sell. Everyone gathers early looking for the bargain that will invigorate and stir up their Autumn trading. The bustle begins at 8 and the hurly-burly of the buyers' hustling and the traders' unpacking ensues for 3 hours and then calm is restored; lunch and culture follows. This pattern is repeated over the next few days at the other venues. Everyone sells and everyone buys and equally everyone complains that business is not what it used to be.

I buy something straight away; it is quite useless but I feel it serves as a symbolic act, you have to start somewhere and the bent, rusty plant stand is like my entry ticket. I can move on from there, and I do. This is not to say I do not fritter away more euros but there are also useful and commercial temptations and I make regular trips to the friendly on-site shippers carrying objects to be wrapped up and trucked over to London.

So, the season has begun, and now I have to knuckle down to the grind of selling - not just the fun of spending money.

Around the beginning of the year I was, as one should be at the beginning of all showbusiness anecdotes, sat in a pub in Soho, talking about two films with two chaps after a few beers.

However, these particular chaps were high flying film distributors, the type red tops refer to as 'movie bosses' and they had come to ask me to make a movie for them. They had a title - We Still Kill The Old Way - and a concept, which was Krays-era London gangsters coming out of retirement to clean up the streets.

Having just made Vendetta, a sort of Death Wish in London, which had been very successful, but being forced to wait until its star (Danny Dyer) got a break in his Eastenders schedule to make Vendetta 2, making another revenge movie seemed like a great idea.

I had some reservations - how do you make this kind of un-PC gangster likeable - but once director Sacha Bennett came on board such doubts soon vanished and we started the most fun part of any movie: Casting.

Casting We Still Kill The Old Way was basically opening the toy box of my film and TV childhood and getting out all the best toys. The first actor on board was Chris Ellison - Frank Burnside in The Bill, surely in the running as TV's greatest cop.

Next up was 80s screen siren Lysette Anthony, just as sizzling today as when I first saw her opposite Michael Caine in Without A Clue in 1987. Sacha and I flew to Dublin to meet Indiana Jones goddess Alison Doody (my favourite Bond girl) who was an unexpected coup. Impossibly glamorous and sophisticated, Ali is famously picky about which jobs she takes so her coming on board felt like a real endorsement of the material.

Steven Berkoff, an old mate came and did us a favour. Danny Dyer called me from Eastenders - I should look at a young lad called Danny-Boy Hatchard who'd just been cast as his son. He was perfect for our villain and delivers a real breakout performance. We changed one of his footsoldiers from a boy to a girl just because I wanted to work with Kidulthood actress Red Madrell - again she was amazing.

And then I called Dyer and sounded him out about his daughter Dani playing the young female lead: she'd done a day on Vendettaand blown us all away. It was a gamble because all the crew knew he and I are close, but I'd never have taken it unless I knew she could pull it off and boy did she deliver.

So all this was endless joy but throughout the process Sacha and I faced one incredible obstacle. We couldn't find a leading man. Every idea we came up with seemed to end in "he's dead" - Lewis Collins, Edward Woodward, our ideas were all three years out of date.

Then Martin Kemp called me one night watching some old series on TV "what about Ian Ogilvy?" he asked. Eureka! Because he'd been based out of LA for 20 years he hadn't been on our radar. Of course there was no budget for flights but Sacha and I halved our white wine bill for a week and a deal was done... The Saint was on a plane (hmmm Saints On A Plane, there's a film idea there somewhere).

And Ogilvy was just majestic - we could never have hoped for better. Commanding, tough, debonair and incredibly charismatic, he gives the performance of his career. I went to Spain with him and his mate Nicky Henson for location filming and had the most wonderful three days, he's just utterly brilliant. I really didn't want him to go home.

They say that the jobs you have the most fun on are the ones the public enjoy the least but early word on WSKTOW is very positive and I have to say I'm incredibly proud of it.

Of course, making a good film isn't enough. The press usually give my films a mauling but then I don't make them for the press. I think this one's a bit different though - its certainly the classiest film I've ever made: I think the like of Ogilvy, Doody, Anthony, James Cosmo et al give it a veneer of respectability that your average geezer film lacks and it has a certain dark humour that I think audiences will find satisfying.

The cast add a real grit and realism too which balances it out nicely. I'm not a betting man by nature but I'd put a bullseye on a sequel being greenlit and we already have a concept.

We'll find out when its released in December.

Hollywood star Al Pacino is not a big fan of watching films on mobile devices. On receiving a Fellowship at the BFI, he said: "If you put any movie on a big screen nowadays, I'll love it. I mean, who wants to watch movies on iPhones? I'm so tired of that." I too love a good night out at the cinema, but he's wrong. Sorry Mr Pacino but millions of people watch films on their mobile devices worldwide, and Video on Demand (VOD) is their preferred choice.

Video on Demand increases revenues

Al Pacino is a legendary actor, a man who has dedicated his life to creating masterpieces of unforgettable cinematography. But his career, and his bank balance, depend on people watching them. The studios must maximise their profits to create enough sustainable revenue to commission new films for him to star in - he should support them as they move with the times, license all their content and accept that the market is moving rapidly away from extended first-release cinema windows and towards swifter release to VOD.

At the BFI, Al Pacino was preaching to the converted and to the millions who were brought up with the cinema experience. Of course, the cinema is something unique and special - he's right about that! But I think we have a tendency to look back at cinema's heyday through rose-tinted glasses. The hard facts are that cinema-going is now at a fraction of its peak in the 1950s and it has a new, fast-growing rival in you and me wanting to watch films when and where we choose; and that means having our videos available when and where we demand. Consumers want choice and they want flexibility. People have a metaphoric megaplex cinema in their hand in the shape of a mobile device and, thankfully for the content creators, they are using it!

There's also a big issue here with age. Younger people are driving the mobile VOD revolution but ironically they're also the primary cinema-going audience, and always have been. So the hypothesis is that people who are going to the cinema to watch his latest movie are the same people interested in watching his films on their mobile devices. There's a Pacino conundrum!

People like watching films on their devices

The main thing many die-hard fans forget is that people actually like watching movies on their mobile device - it's a uniquely personal experience; one which offers total individual control. They can search, discover, navigate and watch suggested content. They can watch what they want, when they want - while they're on the train to work or abroad on holiday. VOD puts them in control.

Service providers are increasingly sophisticated, delivering content through personalised, interactive storefronts using metadata to suggest relevant content or take them straight to most-watched categories. This approach only increases consumer choice and satisfaction, putting new content in front of them and feeding their appetite for Video Everywhere.

The key driver behind this growing trend is the fact that it reflects the way people live their lives. Consumer behaviour is infinitely variable - you might 'binge' on your Saturday lie-in and watch back-to-back episodes of your favourite programme or the Lord of The Rings trilogy whereas others might prefer 'snacking' on the train, watching part of the film on one device and then finishing up the last 45 minutes on a different device when they get home. I'm sure Mr Pacino can see the merit in that concept keeping the royalties rolling in!

And at the same time, consumer electronic devices continue to rapidly evolve, increasingly elevating the consumer experience with larger screens and higher-resolution retina displays. High resolution 4K UHDTV is taking hold and it is just around the corner for mobiles, offering greater film-viewing satisfaction while you're on the move.

The future of film is in The Cloud

Cloud-based IP-delivered content is what people want; everything, everywhere, all the time and within their control. The technology to enable VOD is not new, but what we're seeing at the moment is an acceleration of acceptance by filmmakers and content creators of new commercial and distribution models to proliferate their art form. As with music streaming services such as Spotify, the film industry was initially slow to accept that VOD has changed consumer behaviour forever. Now, however, we're seeing a steady rise in content creators keen to license their films for whatever platforms get their content into the hands of consumers.

This rise has been hastened by a new breed of multi-platform video service providers who work as effective market-makers, licensing and managing the content for the copyright owners, and working with service providers to present the films on every device possible, maximising the content's potential for monetisation. As technology evolves in the coming years, it will only make it easier for film companies to leverage their content - thus creating an even bigger audience for Video Everywhere.

Right now, Al Pacino might not like watching movies on his mobile device but fortunately for him, a growing proportion of his fans know that mobile devices are their preferred way to see his films and in doing so they're unwittingly keeping his royalties rolling in. In time, Al Pacino might change his mind and realise his smartphone really is his smartest bet!

It's semi-final time, with just three challenges standing between Richard, Chetna, Luis and Nancy, and a place in the final. However, as well as three challenges, there are also only three places available in next week's show.

The signature bake is baklava, which doesn't sound too taxing until you realise the bakers have to make their own filo pastry from scratch - a task most people never even bother with due its sheer fiddliness. Nancy plans to fill her baklava with muesli, and proudly informs the camera that she makes her own muesli. But surely muesli is just a handful of ingredients mixed together? It's like telling people you make your own salad.

Anyway, Chetna's decided to incorporate cocoa powder into her filo dough, and finds it tough going to obtain the necessary thinness. Luis' intricate floral design leads to some debate over whether what he has created actually constitutes baklava at all. However, all arguments are moot when Paul dismisses his concoction as far too dry.

Continuing the series' theme of technical bakes you've never heard of, our final foursome then have to make a German Schichttorte, which has twenty distinct layers and is made in the grill, because why the flipping heck not? In a short video piece, presumably designed to break up the not-all-that-exciting spectacle of people looking at grills intently, Mel travels to Germany and finds that Schichttorte are a form of Baumkuchen; gigantic and intricate cakes that are made on a spit. Seriously, you think you know a thing or two about cake, and then they throw this nonsense at you.

Back in the tent, Chetna's happy that her mixture has a "good, battery consistency", which seems odd, as there's no way you'd put it in the back of the remote control to make your TV work. The painstaking task of grilling twenty individual layers of sponge is also pretty time-consuming, and not all the bakers get the full number done before the end. In fact, at one point, despite each layer taking about five minutes, Chetna has seventeen minutes to do six layers.

Come the judging, Paul's insistence on counting each individual layer makes Sue's eyes roll so hard she can probably see the front of her brain. Chetna comes last, Nancy's third, Richard's second, but Luis has somehow bent space and time to produce a faultless Schichttorte without seeming to even break into a sweat.

The final task is to produce two collections of a dozen entremets - French pâtisserie that, given the range of skills and techniques our contestants display, seem to have a very fluid definition of what they are. We've jellies, biscuits, mousses, sponges, glazes and more. Chetna's chocolate, orange and hazelnut confections contain no fewer than six separate elements.

Despite having five hours to complete the task, it still looks like the usual rush at the finish. Luis is putting his jelly moulds in a warm bath so that they come out perfectly ring-shaped. Nancy makes her chocolate glaze too thin and it doesn't quite stick to the sides enough. Nothing has gone disastrously wrong for Richard but he's still running around like a man trying to do ten things at once (which, in fairness, he sort of is). Chetna has had to leave her entremets in the freezer for longer than she intended, and barely gets them out in time to face the judging duo.

It's an extraordinary effort from all of them and, at this late stage, there's no clear episode winner and no-one who has become separated from the rest, so who's going to fall at the final hurdle?

Innuendo of the week: "I've also toasted some nuts off" - something tells me Richard's standing a little too close to the hob.

Star baker: That man Richard does it again. There have only been nine episodes, and he's been star baker an unprecedented five times.

Going home: She slightly struggled due to the incredibly high standard, but Chetna's bakes just weren't quite up to scratch over the course of the weekend, and she sadly takes her leave.

Next week: FINAL!

I chat to one half of the Scandinavian electronic duo

Classical music and electronic music have had a close relationship since the early days of synthesisers. German experimentalists such as Kraftwerk and Neu all took inspiration from contemporary composers such as Stockhausen and Steve Reich, and in the UK early synth players (such as Yes' Rick Wakemen) were also taking inspiration from classical music (just ignore the Camelot concept album). For me, the first time I heard a combination of the two was William Orbit's Trance anthem interpretation of Barber's Adagio for Strings (Which is still a tune by the way), and my favourite neo-classical composers such as Nils Frahm and Max Richter have been incorporating elements of electronic music into their sounds for some time now.

It's from this melting pot that you get Kiasmos, a Scandinavian electronica duo comprised of a critically acclaimed electronics producer and one of the worlds most respected contemporary composers. Janus Rasmussen (producer and vocalist for, Faroe islands band, Bloodgroup) and Olafur Arnalds (the Icelandic composer and pianist known for his beautifully sparse and melancholic music) are the creative forces behind the minimal techno project, both bringing elements of their own music to create something new and fresh. Their debut album, released through Erased Tapes, is an evocative piece of work in the vein of producers like Jon Hopkins and Trentemoller.

I caught up with Olafur Arnalds before his solo show at London's Roundhouse to discuss the new project.

"Can you tell me a little bit about how you and Janus first started working together?"

Olafur: We have been friends for a long time. It was 2008 and we met when I was working as a sound technician and I was doing some work for his band, Bloodgroup, who are really popular in Iceland. We were touring round the country and the two of us just became really good friends. We actually started doing after show DJ sets while on the tour, just me and him, because we were both getting really into electronic music, specifically techno. We became best friends, he'd only recently just moved to Iceland and we started seeing each other about every week or two and have a couple of drinks, usually end up making some music. It was never in any organised fashion, more it was a side-effect of getting drunk. Most of our songs on this album come from such scenarios'.

"How did the idea for the Kiamas project first come about?"

Olafur: It was sort of decided for us. We wanted it to become a project but definitely only a side project. We didn't really want to release a record, we just wanted to continue exploring music together. No pressure, no interviews, no labels, then after a few songs I sent them to Robert (Raths of Erased Tapes) and I sent them to my manager and they just said 'you guys have to do an album, we'll release it, you just have to do it'. I actually in-a-way protested, I had enough to do, I was really busy with my own project and I didn't have time for another band. Especially if it becomes popular, it'd be a nightmare. Of course we loved the music and we wanted to do it, but we really had to think if we could sacrifice the time.

"I've read that when you started work on the self-titled album that you wanted to create something completely fresh and not just a collection of the songs you've made of over the last 6 or 7 years. Was there a concept you were both working with the song writing?"

Olafur: Not really, basically we just wanted to start as a clean slate so we threw everything from before away and just started writing. Usually in my experience, with writing albums, I don't start up with a concept I start creating and then when I have a few pieces together I start seeing a pattern emerge. I get the concept. With this we never got it there, we just kept writing and suddenly realised we had ten songs but were like 'what the shit is this' (laughs). This isn't a concept album, if it's anything, it is a moment in time. It's like a picture of that month is our lives.

"Where does the name come from?"

Olafur: It came from a friend of mine who's a film PHD student. It's a grammatical term, it's actually spelt wrong it's supposed to be chiasmus, and it means something similar to an oxymoron but when you use it in a sentence, so using opposite concepts in a sentence. We thought it'd be really fitting because we're using a lot of opposites in the music. We have the strings and piano and then the heavy electronics on the other side.

"When you were writing the album did you find the songs came together in a certain way?"

Olafur: It was very much of collaboration, sometimes I would start writing and sometimes he would, but I think most of the songs start with the beat. Just a really simple beat, not even the final beat, but we'd lay down a kick drum or something just because we wanted it to be Techno-ish and everything we're writing fits to this 4/4 kick beat. Usually we'd loop that and I'd sit at the piano and improvise on top of it until we figured something out.

"Given your solo work and Jonus work with Blood Group is it logistically quite hard for you two to perform live together?"

Olafur: We're doing live shows this year and next year. How exactly "Live" they will be I don't know, currently our live set is not really about a performance. I think it's a very dangerous thing in electronic music when artists try to take it into the live scenario with live acoustics. You have something to watch, sure, but you lose the sound and the concept of the music. With us I don't think we're going to go that way, with bringing a live band on stage, but live electronics is a thing where it's more about creating soundscapes over beats that are pretty much on playback. What you can do is like the Knife, where on their last tour it was about a performance and an atmosphere. I think we could go down that route.

"There have been hints of Electronica in your own compositions, particularly on your most recent 'For now I am winter' album, what first peaked your interested in electronic music?"

Olafur: I think just listening to Electronica, it grabs your interest. After I bought my first synthesiser I became very interested in them as instruments. It's often like that where the tools are an influence on the art you make

"I've seen you collaborate live with Nils Frahm on electronic compositions/improvisations before, is there any plans for you two to record something?"

Olafur: We have actually. We did an EP for Record Store day called 'Stare'. We have an ongoing collaboration project going on. The EP was only three tracks and it was very electronic. I don't think there was any piano on at all, just ambient soundscapes. We both really love synthesisers (laughs)

"What's going to be your next project?"

Olafur: I'm just starting work on the second series of Broadchurch, and that's going to be taking over my life for the next four months. I'm just going to be in the studio making music.

"Do you enjoy the soundtracking/scoring side of things?"

Olafur: Yeah I do, it's different, but in this case, with Broadchurch, it's great. The people that I get to work with are amazing, and I've never had a single problem during the whole production of the series. Everyone is friends, nobody's really on your ass about anything, it's great. (laughs)

"Just out of curiosity have you seen the stage production of Let the Right One in the West End which features some of your music?"

Olafur: I have I saw it the last time I was over here and I loved it. I didn't realise how much of my music was used in the piece so I was really pleasantly surprised with it.

Kiasmos will be released on Erased Tapes on the 27th of October

Of his new novel Arnold Drive, Hugh Cornwell says "it's like Being There meets Forrest Gump meets Father Ted. It's a Dickensian tale, a black comedy."

The novel tells the story of a Wiltshire vicar whose religious career is suddenly brought to an end, forcing him to re-evaluate his place in society; it's one man's journey, to discover his long-suppressed inner self. It perhaps also casts a revelatory light upon Hugh Cornwell himself, given that the very soul who lent himself to The Stranglers and to a long solo career is one that still restlessly searches for things to engage him, artistically speaking.

"I get bored easily," he tells me over a plate of eggs and smoked salmon out west in Notting Hill. "I'm constantly looking forward to the new thing I'll be doing and it's not always music. So it's a challenge to finish things off. And I like completion."

He speaks of how, when he was in The Stranglers - a British band of unique inventiveness that pre-dated and outlasted punk and New Wave - they were, as band members, at the mercy of each other, as well as of the scheduling of the record company. "We had to do things when it suited everybody. But as a solo artist, it's much easier to be flexible."

Cornwell learned his songwriting craft from a golden age, and like contemporaries such as Lydon, Costello and Strummer, knew well the power of poetry encased in the three-minute pop song, The Stranglers' classic Golden Brown (1981) being a case in point. "That song was written in 15 minutes by me and Dave [Greenfield]. Jet Black realised what we had and said it was going to be a smash. Jean [-Jacques Burnel] didn't like it because it wasn't rock. I thought it was a dainty little song.

"I was brought up in the era of the classic songwriter. As a teenager I'd stand in the entrance of The Marquee and pat musicians like Steve Winwood on the back as they made their way through the corridors. I took my cue from guys like him. Growing up in the era of The Who, The Kinks and The Beatles was like going to the best music college you could ever go to."

But what's left to do after a career as fecund as his? "Well, I've never been married or had children. But to be honest, how would either fit into my life right now?"

Cornwell's other home in Wiltshire hints at a man who also needs a measure of peace and quiet. "Writing isn't a lonely thing to do because you're there with your characters, with your people. But I also like the art of performing, the idea of communication with an audience. Never make it repetitious, which is perhaps the reason why some people get addicted to touring because every day is a different experience. Always give people what you want for yourself."

When asked if gigging is life-affirming, he's quick to say yes. "I've no idea what my contribution has been to popular music, but I started off as a bass player at school, took up the acoustic guitar at university, then an electric in Sweden; after that I started writing songs. It's a skill that you learn.

"Making money as a gigging artist is still an issue because you still have to pay bills, but I've come to the conclusion that issuing material on digital [formats] is pointless because that's the end of your income. Issue it on a physical product. Go back to vinyl!

"Before the gramophone was invented, musicians and composers had to perform their work. And the sheet music they sold was their merchandise. We're heading back to that situation, so if you can't perform, you don't have a livelihood.

"But as you age, and if you're creative, you cannot allow cynicism to get you down. Negative thoughts must be banished. Luckily I can survive by doing exactly want I want, and when I want to do it."

As the lead singer and lyricist of The Stranglers, a band which he's been out of for longer than he was in it, Cornwell still possesses the abstraction of thought one might more commonly attribute to a one-time art school student. "I toyed with the idea of going to an art school but I ended up getting a biochemistry degree from Bristol University." He tells me he recently performed at the university to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the biochemistry department. "I met the new generation of biochemistry professors, who live like Damien Hirst, directing teams of lab staff. They, as scientists, are creative. So there's creativity in almost anything, if you want there to be."

Currently making promo films for each track of his new album Totem & Taboo, Cornwell occupies a unique place in the music world, utilising wisdom accrued from a gilt-edged past to invest in a future that must be different.

He says the high points of his creative career are almost too numerous to count: "There was our first record, finishing the first novel, the first solo records. All the firsts. Those are the great feelings, the first time you experience something."

It strikes me that his quest has been a brave one. "Intellectually, I think I am brave. And frankly, if you're not brave in life, what are you? You've got to follow your instincts because the secret of doing anything is self-belief."

Photograph by Kevin Nixon

Tottenham breeds creativity - Soul singers Adele, Lemar and Keisha White hail from the area. But its grimy roots really are showcased by its hip-hop acts like Wretch32 and Chip. According to Wretch, he was once his schoolteachers worst nightmare, but now he's called the UK rappers rapper and metaphor man.

JASMINE WITH WRETCH IN THE STUDIO.
(Pic copyright Jasmine Dotiwala)

Jermaine Scott Sinclair - Wretch 32 (three-two) - is the son of a local reggae DJ in the Tiverton Estate, which explains the clear dancehall beats juxtaposed with his north London lyrics that are full of metaphors and soulful hooks and melodies, that will keep you humming for hours after hearing one of his hits. It's this partnering of dancehall vibes and his soulful melodies that are cool yet classy that have become his signature trademark sound. All Wretch's tracks are like his personal diary in music form as opposed to just another materialistic hip-hop ego trip.

A fully royal member of the #TeamUK family, a look at his twitter timeline shows that he regularly highlights and shows support to his fellow music peers and is as loved by the scene as well as his die hard loyal fans.

Now he's the kingpin act at the centre of a very talented collective called Renowned, which is also home to his peers George The Poet, Jacob Banks, Knox Brown and more as well as sports and media arms. Like Jigga said he's a 'business man''.

PHOTO COPYRIGHT- Rick Guest and Ministry of Sound Recordings.

He's a humble, understated character that has reason to trumpet about his many awards, hit songs, festival successes and more. If I were he, the temptation to brag would be just a lil bit tempting.

The end of this year will see him release his third studio album Growing Over Life. I sat down with him this week, for an update on how that albums coming along ...'I've had it finished for a while now. I was just touching up everything, doing my finishing touches. It's sounding like a great body of work, its exactly where I want it to be, and its where I exactly what I want it to be. So I'm happy. It's called Growing Over Life because I think it's something we all do without even realising. I always remember on my birthdays I would always jump out of my bed and run to my wall and see if I'd got taller. Sometimes I'd say to my mum 'mum I never got taller this year' and she said 'you don't grow overnight, you grow over life' and it's something that just stuck with me.''

I bear testament to Wretch's grind that he's put in over the years. Back when I was at MTV Base, Wretch used to come in and hang out as a friend of the brand and also our then intern (now super director) JakFrsh. Their friendship meant I was in the know about Wretch long before he hit the big time He is still today exactly the same well mannered, friendly, articulate young man he was back then many years ago when he used to come in and chill out at my desk updating me on his latest mix tape and putting down verses for MTV's Black History Month.

HYPER-MASCULINITY IN HIP-HOP

When listening to Wretch's songs or watching his videos, we are never under any impression that he's attempting to follow the blueprint for of the hyper masculine American hip hop that came before the UK acts blew up. Hyper-masculinity in hip-hop and the different stereotypes and pressures male hip-hop artists can face are heavy. There seems to be a lot of focus on how women are being stereotyped and objectified in hip-hop videos and lyrics, but this focus doesn't really extend to the men. With hip hop and black culture often subtly blamed for gang crime and black on black violence hyper masculinity is a problem.

Wretch doesn't think that the females or males have to stay in a box. ''I think you've got to look at the rapper that's at the forefront- there's the guy that wears his heart on his sleeve, Drake, and there's always people criticising him, but he's the man of the moment. I think it was a beautiful thing that he even came through to get to the position he's in now. He's not typical- he's not street, he's not hood, he's not from New York, he's from Toronto. So I definitely think him coming through and him being so successful broke down a lot of boundaries. I think there's a lot of other rappers coming through- it's cool because it did used to be strict and tough and people had to speak about a certain thing and project themselves in a certain way. But now people are allowed to be more themselves, there's a new wave of people coming through like the J Cole's who's not really 'hood', but what they do is make the everyday guy feel like it's possible and I think it's incredible to have the balance. Of course, in everything, it's right that there is a balance. I think the Drakes and the J Coles balance it out with the 50 Cents and the Young Jeezy's''.

PHOTO COPYRIGHT- Rick Guest and Ministry of Sound Recordings.

HIP HOP AND POLITICS

With the current 'all eyes on' political parties focus, both here and internationally, Wretch thinks that Hip Hop can better engage people with politics. "I think in order for hip hop artists to help people engage into politics they have to understand it better, if I'm honest it isn't something that I dwell in too much because I almost look at that like a separate world that I have no control over and it's like, I find it quite interesting that someone like myself couldn't tell David Cameron, Gordon Brown or Tony Blair, any of these people how to run the House of Commons but they can tell me how its gonna go in Seven Sisters and how its gonna run in Tottenham and how its gonna run in London, because I haven't been in your world and you haven't been in mine. So it should be you something you're coming to me, or you're coming to us and asking us what do we need''.

Now talking about an area he feels passionately about he adds ''How do you get in contact with these people? This is when you need someone who can translate and this is something we see in a guy called George the Poet, where for me, he is the direct mediator because he can speak their language and he speaks our language so if we can all support him and get him where he needs to be, where he can communicate with them, nobody else will have to. Cos we are two different people walking two separate walks of life they look down on us, and we look down on them, so automatically it's a conflict of interest, and it's a lack of knowledge, a lack of knowledge on our front and a lack of knowledge on their front, and understanding."

HIP HOP IS THE NEW SHAKESPEARE.

I've often heard rappers verbal dexterity described as modern day Shakespeare. America isn't the only place where hip-hop stars have university modules named after them and students study rappers lyrics. Wretch believes the UK should have rap studies in classes too ''There's many times where I've gone to school and given English lessons and we've broken down some of my songs and It's like I've explained some of the metaphors are and what the similes are and what the similarities are, It's a bit more than just rap''

Will Wretch's new music hit the top of the charts? Will he continue to inspire younger music acts across the UK? Will he continue to be a great musical role model in the #TeamUK movement? As he himself is known for saying...I'm certain the answer is ''AH YEAH!''

Wretch released his new single 6 WORDS on November 16th with his album GROWING OVER LIFE following soon after.

I recently remarked on how David Cameron's video rating scheme might have unintended consequences in that it will probably create a whole new category of music videos that feature graphic sex or violence.

Ella on The Run
Photo: Jack Briggs
Lighting & Styling: Dare

The BBC came to visit me and my team on the set of our latest music video production. We were producing a video for Ella on The Run's forthcoming track, War of Words.

In light of the fact that many artists are worried about censorship, the BBC's Chi Chi Izundu asked whether I thought the rating scheme was a good idea. As a music video director, I think the rating scheme is a fantastic initiative. Just take a look at how films have evolved since ratings were introduced. Filmmakers have more freedom to express themselves than ever. It takes tremendously graphic depictions of sex or violence to be denied a rating by the BBFC. To some degree ratings will absolve music video directors of their social responsibility since they will be able to point to a BBFC rating as proof that their video was made for a specific audience. This ratings scheme should lead to more, not less, creative freedom. As a feature film producer I am familiar with the BBFC guidelines and I can't think of a single music video I've ever seen that would have been denied a rating.

If the pilot scheme being run at the moment is implemented in full, I'd like to know what happens to videos that don't apply for a rating? Will YouTube, Vimeo and other online outlets refuse to broadcast them? If the scheme only applies to BPI members, will small independent labels and artists be denied access to certain online platforms if they cannot afford, or simply don't want to pay for a BBFC rating? Anything that limits the outlets for unsigned, independent artists would be a serious blow.

War of Words Production
Photo: Jack Briggs

As a parent, I think the rating scheme is poorly conceived. A number of music video directors I've spoken to have said they're looking forward to the scheme because they will no longer have to think about making content for a general audience. Without an effective technological solution that will enable parents to enforce controls, there is little chance that children will not be exposed to 18 rated videos. And even if providers such as Vimeo or YouTube can work out a technological solution for the UK, what about the rest of the world? The rating scheme only applies to the UK, so will British music videos become synonymous with graphic sex and violence? Will we export explicit content to other countries that are not part of the rating scheme? Almost certainly. The Internet is global and information finds a way to circumvent geo-blocking and national boundaries. If there is an explicit video available in the UK, you can be sure that US, German, or Australian teenagers will find a way to view it. And once they can view it on YouTube, they can copy it.

Music videos are the tip of the iceberg. Extreme violence, foul language, nudity, graphic sex and far worse are no more than a couple of clicks away. Leaving a child alone in their bedroom with an Internet enabled computer or tablet is akin to putting them in a smut store full of every pornographic and snuff film ever made and asking them to promise not to look at any of them. The only way to ensure that children are not being exposed to inappropriate content is to actively monitor their Internet use. But that's virtually impossible in a world where smart phones and tablets can be passed around the playground.

Filming War of Words
Photo: Jack Briggs

Conceived without the rating scheme in mind, there's no graphic sex or violence in the new Ella on The Run video - it's been made for a general audience. We've come up with a concept that relates to the song and will hopefully engage and entertain people. Ella's currently working on her new EP, and will launch it, and the new video in November. Filmed in the fantastically distressed Spode Works in Stoke-On-Trent, the video has a gnarly glamour to it. If you're interested in seeing how the footage the BBC broadcast comes together to make a music video, follow Ella on The Run on Twitter for updates on the video's launch. In the meantime, you can check out some of Ella's music on SoundCloud.

In an interview with the Daily Mail back in 2011, Kate Bush confessed that she would be terrified to go back on stage. She denied that she suffers from stage fright but said that she has the odd dream where she is onstage and has completely forgotten what she is supposed to be doing. I would hazard a guess that Ms Bush is not alone in having that dream, it's probably a dream that all performers have had at some time in their life whether they suffer from stage fright or not. Personally, the recurring dream that I had when I was performing regularly was the one where you hear the opening bars of the curtain raiser and you find yourself stuck in a room unable to get the door open and make it to the stage in time for your riff. Again, from talking to other performers, I would appear not to be alone in experiencing that particular dream. In any case, Kate Bush has clearly found a way of conquering her demons, you don't take on a whole month of gigs at the Hammersmith Apollo - it will always be the Hammersmith Odeon to me - lightly.

I didn't make it to Kate's gigs, we have some history. When Darts were number 2 in the charts and we were performing a week of sell-out gigs at the Hammersmith Odeon (it was called the Odeon back then), at the end of the evening I would come out on stage and rally the audience to buy more records and get us to number one - something we never achieved despite having three number 2 records in a row. Kate Bush was camped in the number one slot at the time with Wuthering Heights and I have to confess to being less than complimentary about her 'unusual' vocal performance in my fan rallying speech. I was blissfully unaware that sat in the audience listening to my tirade was none other than the songstress herself, she was sitting next to Michael Levy (he wasn't a sir then), boss of our record company Magnet Records. Michael called me up the next day to tell me that Kate was very upset and that I should apologise to her. Needless to say, I didn't get the chance to.

I was fortunate in as much as I never suffered from stage fright. It might have been because I was in a nine-piece band and there is safety in numbers, or it might have been because I wasn't fronting the band, but in any case I was grateful for not having that burden. It is a well documented fact that performance anxiety is rife in our profession and the acting world. Sometimes it's hard to imagine how some of our most celebrated actors and musicians can be rigid with terror seconds before they take to the stage. They seem so calm and accomplished when they are performing, how can it be that only minutes before they were locked in a toilet throwing up?

Michael Gambon, Peter Coyote, Barbara Streisand, Adele and Robbie Williams have all confessed to suffering from debilitating degrees of performance anxiety but, with help, were able to overcome their fear and return to the stage. In fact, thankfully, there would appear to be more cases of performers coping with and/or overcoming performance anxiety that there are of those who find themselves defeated by it. Hugh Grant attributes his early retirement to crippling stage fright confessing that he only made it through one of his films by loading up on Lorazepam.

The MU supports the work of the British Association for Performing Arts Medicine (BAPAM) which is an organisation that provides specialist health support to all full time and part time professional and student performing artists, plus production crew, throughout the UK. BAPAM can help you whether you are a musician, actor, dancer, singer, stage technician, sound engineer, DJ or variety artist. The doctors that BAPAM use are specialists in the field of illness and ailments that commonly affect performers and they are particularly adept at treating performance anxiety.

As well as offering one-to-one cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) sessions which have proven effective in treating the problem, there are also some very useful advice sheets on the BAPAM website on a number of different medical issues affecting performers including stage fright. For instance, I bet you didn't know that you can lower your anxiety levels by eating a banana or some dark chocolate. Apparently, both these foods release serotonin, sometimes known as the happy hormone and can help you overcome the feelings of dread that often accompany performance anxiety.

Of course, if the problem is particularly acute it may be necessary to prescribe beta-blockers or tranquilisers but there are a number of techniques that can be used to reduce the affects of performance anxiety before turning to pharmaceuticals.

So, well done Kate, The Independent's Andy Gill described Bush's comeback as "the most ambitious piece of theatrical pop ever seen on a British stage" so I guess the shows must have been awesome and should our paths ever cross, I will give that long overdue apology.

James Evans, a 31-year-old American living in Greenville, Kentucky decided that he would post some lyrics from a song by the band Exodus on his Facebook wall. The song is called Class Dismissed (A Hate Primer) and contains the following lyrics: "Student bodies lying dead in the halls, a blood splattered treatise of hate, class dismissed is my hypothesis, gun fire ends in debate". Apparently, Mr Evans often posts the lyrics to songs he listens to on his Facebook wall. Unfortunately, this time a fellow Greenville resident was unimpressed by this and decided to alert local school officials and two days later Mr Evans was arrested.

He spent a total of eight days in jail and his arrest warrant stated that he threatened to kill students and or staff at school. He appeared in court on 27 August and was charged with a class 'C' felony for "terrorist threatenings" (there's a new word for you: "threatenings") and faces the possibility of between five and 10 years in prison. However we may feel about the lyrics - the band claims that "the song was written as a view through the eyes of as madman and in no way endorses that f**ked up behaviour" - this is an outrageous example of over-reaction and paranoia by the Kentucky police.

Clearly, for many people, censorship is a subjective thing. On the same day that I read about the unfortunate Mr Evans, I also read about the ongoing dispute between the estate of the late Marvin Gaye, and the writers (and I use that term loosely) of the massive worldwide hit Blurred Lines. In evidence given to the court dealing with the alleged plagiarism of Gaye's Got To Give It Up the singer of Blurred Lines, Robin Thicke, has claimed that although he has a 20% share of the publishing, he didn't actually play any part - other than simply being present - in the writing of the song and that he was high on a mix of drugs and alcohol at the time that the song was written. You really couldn't make this stuff up. But, for me, the most interesting thing about this story is that if Thicke didn't play any part in the writing of Blurred Lines then it must have been written almost exclusively by Pharell Williams. In other words, the genius who gave us the wonderfully life affirming and joyful Happy also gave us a dark and disturbing song that many have claimed is a justification for non-consensual sex.

I have written before about the inexorable drift of many pop videos towards hard core porn and many have called for pop videos to be regulated in the same way as movies. Last year Annie Lennox called for regulation of music videos saying "I'm all for freedom of expression but this is clearly one step beyond, and it's clearly into the realm of porn. How do you stop your kids being exposed to it?"

She has a point. For me, art and freedom of expression go hand in hand. I might find the lyrics to the Exodus song abhorrent but I would defend the bands right to explore their art form and challenge perceptions, and locking up a fan for posting lyrics on a Facebook wall is clearly bonkers.

Let's be honest, pop music has always, to a lesser or greater degree, been about sex and sexual attraction. What people call R and B today - I'm too old to think this is a good term for this style of music, R and B is what I grew up loving and it bears little resemblance to the music produced by the likes of Thicke, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Chris Brown and their ilk - is highly sexual in its lyrical content and I guess there is no reason why this shouldn't be reflected in the videos these artists make. So, how do we bring about a balanced approach? Who decides what is acceptable and what is not?

From 1 October, UK-based internet users will be subject to a three-month pilot scheme that will see UK-produced music videos (and attendant hard copy releases of videos via DVDs and CDs) stamped with 12, 15, 18 or R18 certificates. The music video trial (the brain child of David Cameron) is being led by the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC), working with Google, BPI (the body representing the UK music industry), two major video platforms (Vevo and YouTube) and three major labels: Sony, Warner and Universal. Of course, initially, it will only apply to videos produced in the UK and not to all the US based artists mentioned above. However, the plan is to roll it out to all music videos in time. We will have to see whether this approach will be effective or not but I can't help but think that this is a case of shoving a bucket under a leaky roof rather than fixing the leak. I live in hope that the highly talented people who create this stuff will wake up (grow up?) and realise that, great as sex is, there is more to life than a little bit of bump and grind.

After a year in the writing and a lifetime in the making, Jamie's Comfort Food has arrived!

The book is all about food that puts a smile on your face - whether it's hours in the kitchen making the ultimate lasagne, cooking an insane burger on the barbecue with some friends, or a reviving ramen when you're feeling down. Inspired by everything from childhood memories to the changing of the seasons, and taking into account the guilty pleasures and sweet indulgences that everyone enjoys, it's brimming with 100 exciting recipes that you'll fall in love with. We may be biased, but it might just be Jamie's best book yet.

And Food Tube has been lucky enough to host a couple of Jamie's must-know kitchen tricks!

Gennaro steps in to show you how to make a variety of pasta shapes at home. Fresh, rich, satisfying and surprisingly simple to make.

Jamie's mate Pete shows you step by step how to prepare lobster, should you want to give Jamie's ultimate Mac 'n' Cheese a go! You really must. It's outrageously good.

And Kerryann Dunlop is back with Jamie's Chicken Kiev recipe to make your mouth water. Succulent chicken breasts stuffed with crispy bacon, garlic and parsley butter and coated in golden breadcrumbs - this is a dish the whole family will love.

But as much as we love to give you a culinary cuddle, we know that your first cuppa tea in the morning or your favourite cocktail on a Friday night can bring you great joy too! Drinks Tube has an awesome array of drinkable delights such as cold brew coffee!

What is cold brew coffee? It's a new way to make coffee and it's taking the world by storm. In this video the brilliant Mike Cooper tells you exactly what it is and how you can (and why you should!) make cold brew coffee at home.

Karis is back with another alcoholic ice lolly recipe that's for adults only! This one blends up a hoppy pale ale with some fresh blackberries for a really fruity flavour. Give it a try on a sunny day and when it gets too cold outside - eat them inside instead!

Join in the conversation on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram! And be part of the next million and SUBSCRIBE!

Oh and, wohoo, we've been nominated for a Lovie Award. Please spare a second to click here and VOTE FOOD TUBE!

Apparently World Smile Day (Friday, 3 October) was established by the designer of the original smiley face logo in order to devote one day each year to "smiles and kind acts" throughout the world, regardless of politics, geography and religion. As a comedian, trying to make people smile is what I do. But as patron of a small but ambitious charity - Chance for Childhood that works with some of the world's most vulnerable children in Africa - I got to see firsthand some of the more long lasting "kind acts" that others do every single day of the year.

Africa, a land torn apart by documentaries, the sun scorches the terracotta earth as butterflies surf the breeze like multi-coloured bow-ties. This isn't my natural environment. I'm in Patongo in Northern Uganda to see the work of a youth centre set up to help rebuild a community decimated by the war ten years ago. The notorious Lord's Resistance Army swept in and carried off a generation of children as plunder. Emotionally I'm way out of my depth. I'm just a smart-alec comedian who wants to try and help. (Or do I just like the idea?)

Now the teenagers have trickled back, cheated of innocence and bringing with them their trauma and children born in slavery. Some seem dead behind the eyes, but physically alert and ready to fight or run at a moment's notice.

Soon after we arrive I'm asked to entertain about 80 youths, who don't speak English and have been waiting two hours in the sun for 'the internationally famous comedian' to make them laugh. This could go wrong.

In this town a group of locals are trying to turn things round. Together with Chance for Childhood (formerly Jubilee Action) they've built a multi-purpose building. There's counselling and mentoring (all the staff have their own story too) as well as classes, in things like numeracy, tailoring, and setting up a small business.

Law and order is sporadic. Add in poverty, malnutrition, corruption and 8% HIV this is can be a desperate place. Some have suffered at the hands of the enemy, others rejected by their families or abused by neighbours. Soil can be the difference between life and death and there are many land disputes. counsellors from the centre travel miles into the bush to give support and try to quicken the authorities to flex the weary arm of the law. But there are legal fees, and without even food few have the appetite to press charges (the charity is in the process of establishing a legal aid unit).

When the law does operate it is often one-sided. If you look guilty and over 16, you can be banged up in the local prison where you can wait months for a trial. Some are in the local prison for petty crime - like stealing a blanket, but more commonly for rape ('defilement'). But then consensual sex for under-18s is still a criminal offense if caught.

It's the ordinary Ugandans that are going the extra mile that impress the most. Vicky the Child Protection Officer at the local police station is feeding prisoners on remand with her own food. The dedicated staff of the Centre, who between them find beds and food in their own homes for those without. They have a vision of a better place.

The brutal crimes of war shattered this community in few weeks, but it's going to take years to put it back together again. It takes people of faith, vision and lots of patience to face the enormity of the task.

Meanwhile back to the youth group I've been asked to entertain. I pull faces and play the crowd as much as I can. It's almost impossible. Then mercifully we go into Q and A. 'Tell us please about the difficulties you've had in your life as a comedian'. But as I look out at the audience of former child soldiers and girls with several children as a result of rape, at that moment it seems like the most inappropriate question in the world.It will take time for these children to trust again, but the smiles and the laughter are coming back one small act of kindness at a time.

Milton Jones is taking over Chance for Childhood's twitter account on World Smile Day
@chancechildhood

www.chanceforchildhood.org

Milton Jones is a patron of Chance for Childhood, a UK charity that works with some of the world's most vulnerable children striving to give them a future free from injustice. Milton is an award winning British comedian who has had ten radio series on Radio 4 and is a regular guest panellist on BBC 2's Mock the Week. His brand new tour Milton Jones & The Temple of Daft starts in February 2015.

Like any red-blooded 23-year-old male, musical theatre is one of my biggest loves, yet until last week I had managed to go my entire life without catching one of Cameron Mackintosh's most beloved shows, Miss Saigon.

So you can imagine how thrilled I was to get the chance to not just watch the musical for the first time, but to catch a special gala performance from some of the show's original stars, in honour of its 25th anniversary.

Having no clue what to expect from Miss Saigon - which, for those who don't know, tells the emotional story of an American soldier fighting in Vietnam, who falls in love with a young local girl - I asked the Twitter-sphere what I could expect from the Tony award-winning musical.

The responses ranged from "big songs and big army men" (which certainly sounded promising) to "prepare yourself for some serious tears". Either way, I was almost unanimously told that I was going to cry.

This was pretty much a given already. Truth be told, I can't actually remember the last time I went to the theatre (or, indeed, the cinema) and didn't leave a sobbing mess. Catch me on a bad day and you might well find me slumped in front of ITV2, weeping over poor little Shanessa's paternity results on The Jeremy Kyle Show. So I decided to take the "prepare to cry" warnings with a grain of salt.

This, I soon realised, was a grave error.

By the time Act One was over, and I'd seen hopelessness quickly develop into all-encompassing love before ultimately plummeting back down to despair, I had cried so profusely that there was basically no moisture left in my body.

But it wasn't just sadness. By the time the musical was over I felt like I had experienced every emotion under the sun in just a couple of hours.

And I do mean every emotion. It's true that Miss Saigon has its sombre moments, but to write it off as just being a two-hour weep-a-thon would not be doing it justice at all. In fact, there are also moments of hope, of joy and - yes!- even a few laughs in there to lighten the mood following a few of the darker moments.

I had barely had time to reflect on the amazing spectacle I'd just been a witness to, when we were treated to a few numbers from some of the show's original West End cast from 25 years earlier. Lea Salonga and Simon Bowman, the original Kim and Chris, performed the gorgeous ballad Last Night of the World, proving their on-stage chemistry was still as every bit as palpable as it had been in 1989.

Following this, Jonathan Pryce, who created the role of The Engineer, showed up for a performance of The American Dream, one of the more upbeat show-stoppers from Miss Saigon, which helped break up the more teary moments.

The enthusiastic reaction from the audience - many of whom had caught the show during its first run a quarter-century ago - truly proved that, even 25 years after its debut, the heat was very much still on in Saigon.

So, after finally watching Miss Saigon, I have two things to say. If you've still not seen it, I implore you to book tickets, immediately if not sooner.

And secondly, as I was advised, make sure you bring your tissues. The show will make you think and it may even make you laugh but, in now into its 26th year, it will also make you cry.

What would you think if I suddenly told you that you have Chlamydia? What would be the first thing to run through your mind? I'm hoping it's not: "What the hell is THAT?!' I'm guessing it'd be more like: "Who the hell GAVE me that?!" A perfectly reasonable response, but unfortunately, as with many things in life, it's never that straight forward...

We shall return to this, but, to provide some context, the innovative team at Channel 4 have a new romantic comedy on at 10pm tonight called Scrotal Recall, charting the mission of a young man (Dylan Witter, played by folk musician and actor Johnny Flynn) tracking down his past sexual contacts when he discovers he has chlamydia.

Though it's clearly a rom-com at heart, the show also doubles as a pretty good way to remove the stigma often felt around STIs (sexually transmitted infections). And although Dylan is met at the outset by a rather dry and sarcastic delivery of diagnosis (played hilariously by comedian Vicki Pepperdine), rest assured, we in the NHS want to put you at ease that we are dutifully professional and supportive when it comes to sexual health.

Dylan is diagnosed with Chlamydia, a very common, very easily transmitted STI, that - like house prices in London - is on the increase. It - unlike house prices in London - is easy to resolve.

We would, depending on your requirement, give you either a one-off or week-long dose of antibiotics and therefore avoid such consequences as infertility and chronic joint pain which may occur over time if left untreated. We in the health care world call this a 'public health issue', and we take it very seriously.

So, back to 'your' diagnosis, and quite rightly one of the things we must do (and I use the word WE purposefully) is to inform all of your partners from the last six months to get treated.. "Oh gosh" you're thinking. "REALLY?"

There are a number of ways in which to do this. I won't go deep into the obvious, but suffice to say, I wouldn't feel any anger toward an 'old flame' texting me the, shall we say, 'informative news'. I would actually feel quite glad to know so that I can treat it promptly (and get back to worrying about my saving for a crazy mortgage...)

But for those who feel differently (and we do recognise there is a spectrum of reactions), there are anonymous emails and texts that can be sent. Hopefully these remove any awkwardness and the end result is same - there is an improved awareness of our sexual health to keep it just that: healthy.

As seen by Dylan in Scrotal Recall, we also have pre-written notification cards you can send to people should you choose. We recognise not everyone feels terribly accepting of such news, you yourself might feel bitter or angry, but I can only reassure you that we see many people every day with STI's, and treat them effectively. Think of it as a team effort to make everyone more aware, and more vigilant, so we can reduce the half a million diagnoses of STI's we see a year (half of which in 2012 were Chalmydia alone!).

We in the Sexual health Biz call this awareness 'partner notification', and although not everyone feel's able to do this, it is a really important tool in reducing the spread of STI's, and we salute Channel 4's main stream shows effort in bringing to light an important topic in a funny, honest and touching way.

We will never judge you, it's our job to give you unpleasant news if it's due, and if you ever need time to discuss this, or anything else you are concerned about with your sex life, we're right here, brimming with useful information just bursting from our insightful minds (I'm boasting on our behalf, but with good reason!).

Last but not least, regular testing is paramount. At least once a year please. I realise that many people don't like sitting in a waiting room feeling all self-conscious. So, think on this, EVERYONE'S there for the same reason, there really is nothing to feel embarrassed about (and yes, even the staff have sex lives and get checked regularly too!) There are of course home testing kits too if you'd prefer,

Above all else keep safe, use condoms and ENJOY your sex life. Don't judge yourself or others should you get 'that text' or 'that card' or that 'phone call' and we will all get along better and of course, reduce the spread of these infections together.

David-Andrew Taylor is a Senior Staff Nurse DipHe RGN INP. David has been a nurse for 12 years and has worked at 56 Dean Street (www.56deanstreet.nhs.uk), a central London sexual health and HIV clinic in Soho for the past two years.

Scrotal Recall airs at 10pm on Channel 4 on Thursdays. The first episode 'Abigail' starts tonight.

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